Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
