That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
