i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
