Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
