My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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