Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
nutella sex= disaster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
