How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
