Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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