Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
