I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i think i just lost a toe
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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