im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said her name was "party"
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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