I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
