I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize