I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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