This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
