I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
