Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
