Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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