The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize