I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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