does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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