so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize