i need an iv and a liver transplant
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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