alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
