i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
