Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
