Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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