So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
PANTIES FOUND
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