Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
