do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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