I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
