Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
