I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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