First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
