I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
