i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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