is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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