I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
