Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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