Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
