I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
