The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
