The maid of honor just puked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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