yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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