i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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