I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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