absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
