MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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