watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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