i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I puked a lego.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
