it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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