do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
