Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
