This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
