I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
A bitchslap is in order.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
