he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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