she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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