matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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