I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
