he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
