I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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