I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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