Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
