we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
