So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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