Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
