I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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