Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize