WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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