im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
