forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
