these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
