If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
