I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
