Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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