he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
