Sry I called you an 8
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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