yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
