Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All the doctor said was why
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
