They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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