She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
