It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
