every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
