I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
