And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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