She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
