Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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