i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
