I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
