no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Text me some of your sweat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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