Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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