dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
