He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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