she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
