The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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