I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
