listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
