i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
