she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
