so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
