girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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