Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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