i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize