i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize