im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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