Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
