My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
