Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
